An "I Message"
Starts with I… not you
- Clearly and simply states how you feel
I feel ….
- Clearly and simply states what the other person did or is doing that made you feel that way
I feel ….. when you …..
- Clearly states why you feel the way you do
I feel ….when you …. because…..
- Clearly states what you need the other person to do
I feel ….when you… because…… I want you to……
So it might look like this:I feel angry when you call me names because I have a real name. I want you to start calling me by my real name.I feel frustrated when you change the rules in the middle of the game, because it makes it difficult to play fairly. I need you to follow the rules so we can play a fair game.I’m upset because you push me and I lost my place in line. I need you to let me back in my space and keep your hands to yourself.From The Bully Free Classroom by Allan L. Beane, PhD., copyright@ 1999 Free Spirit Publishing Inc., Minneapolis, MN; (866) 703-7322 http://www.freespirit.com.